In the brink of this beautiful year

And you asked me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
and designer love and empty things
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I need some place simple where we could live
and something only you can give
and that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
and the one poor child who saved this world
and there's ten million more who probably could
if we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

'cause tonight's the night the world begins again

About dad

I was raised with the fear of falling. Dad is a incredibly strict person. He trained all the six of us with good disciplines. Of course, we didn't know why can't we do this and that but as we grow older, we began to understand that what he did for all of us were for our own good. We achieved spectacular success in our lives because of his guidance and trust he puts in us.

The first time he bought me a bicycle was when I entered kindergarten. At that time he put two extra small wheels so that I could practice riding without getting fall. After much practice in the evening, he had the belief that I could ride using only one extra wheel. It was true. Not long after that, he took out another one wheel and asked me to ride the bicycle. Although mom worried too much for my safety, dad was the person who trusted me. He trusted me because he knew that his little daughter could do it. I feared dad because he might scold me if I didn't do well but I did it.

When I finished school, dad was the one who took me to take driving license. When I studied in Kelantan, he gave me a car and let me drive it there. Dad trusted me because he knew I could do it.

When I got flu, he would loudly say, "I've told you not to drink cold water!" I hate it when he talked that way. But that's the way he shows his love. I hate it when there are so many things I can't do while everybody else can. Apparently, he is protecting me. That's the way he shows his love.

Now that I am going to have my convocation next week. I've been looking for what 'convocation' means to me. I knew now. The stroll I will receive is not for me; but it is the most valuable present for dad. I'm sure it will make him glad.

"To my most affectionate, remarkable dad,

I truly and deeply love you as much as I love mom. Deep inside my heart, I always pray to Allah that both of you will live happily in the beautiful Jannah. Insya4JJI..."

Healing words

Here I come with new quote of the day. May it soothes all the hearts.

"Always put your trust in Allah SWT even if He is leading you off a cliff...'Cause He's either going to catch you as you fall or He's going to teach you to fly"

TABARRUJ di Facebook

Facebook merupakan laman sosial kegilaan ramai buat masa kini. Cukup aneh untuk berjumpa dengan seseorang yang tidak mempunyai sekurang-kurangnya sebuah akaun facebook. Namun di sebalik penggunaan facebook ini, tanpa kita sedari pelbagai dosa berlaku di kalangan pengguna. Ustaz Zaharudin ada mengulas mengenai dosa-dosa & facebook, bagaimanapun saya ingin menfokuskan pada salah satupoint yang diberi beliau iaitu 'terlebih gambar'. Sikap suka menunjuk-nunjuk gambar boleh dikaitkan dengan tabarruj, iaitu suatu dosa yang dianggap remeh oleh masyarakat kita. Apakah itu tabarruj? Suatu persoalan yang perlu dihurai lanjut.

TABARRUJ ialah mendedahkan kecantikan rupa paras sama ada kecantikan itu di bahagian muka atau di anggota-anggota badan yang lain. Al-Bukhari rahmatullah 'alaihi ada berkata:

“tabarruj, iaitu seorang wanita yang memperlihatkan kecantikan rupa parasnya”.

Untuk menjaga masyarakat daripada bahaya pendedahan ‘aurat dan disamping menjaga kehormatan wanita dari sebarang pencerobohan, maka dengan yang demikian Allah melarang setiap wanita yang berakal lagi telah baligh dari bertabarruj. Allah s.w.t telah berfirman dalamsurah an-Nur ayat 31 yang bermaksud:

“Katakanlah kepada wanita yang beriman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya, dan janganlah mereka menampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali yang bisa nampak daripadanya. Dan hendaklah mereka menutupkan kain tudung ke dadanya, dan jangan menampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali kepada suami mereka atau ayah mereka atau ayah suami mereka, atau putera-putera mereka, atau putera-putera suami mereka, atau saudara-saudara mereka, putera-putera lelaki mereka, atau putera-putera saudara perempuan mereka, atau wanita-wanita Islam, atau budak-budak yang mereka miliki, atau pelayan-pelayan lelaki yang tidak mempunyai keinginan (terhadap wanita) atau anak-anak yang belum mengerti tentang ‘aurat wanita. Dan jangalah mereka menghentakkan kaki untuk diketahui orang akan apa yang tersembunyi dari perhiasan mereka.Dan bertaubatlah kamu sekalian kepada Allah hai orang-orang yang beriman supaya kamu beruntung.”

Dengan ini jelas bahawa sebarang corak perhiasan di anggota badan atau di pakaian, adalah boleh membawa fitnah. Dengan inilah Allah melarang bermake-up. Larangan seperti ini hanya sanggup ditaati oleh wanita-wanita yang beriman sahaja kerana takut kepada kemurkaan Allah dan seksaan dari-NYA. Berikut pula mari kita renungi firman Allah khasnya yang ditujukan kepada isteri-isteri Rasulullah s.a.w yang bermaksud:

“Hai isteri-isteri Nabi(a.s), kamu sekalian tidaklah seperti wanita yang lain, jika kau bertaqwa. Kerana itu janganlah kamu terlalu lunak dalam bicara sehingga berkeinginanlah orang yang ada perasaan serong di dalam hatinya, tetapi ucaplah perkataan yang baik.” (Al-ahzab: 32)

Daripada ayat ini dapatlah difahamkan bahawa suara lemah lembut adalah sebahagian daripada ‘aurat wanita juga.Kembali lagi kita kepada jenis alat-alat make-up. Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda yang bermaksud:

“Andainya wanita keluar dari rumah serta memakai bau-bauan, maka dia sudah dianggap melakukan perzinaan”

Penggunaan wangi-wangian sembur atau jenis jenis bauan bagi kaum wanita diwaktu keluar dari rumah adalah dilarang, kerana syari’at Islam, apabila melarang perzinaan, maka segala sumber-sumber dan cirri-ciri yang membawa kepada perbuatan keji tadi semuanya juga dilarang.

Ummu salamah ada menceritakan, maksudnya begini:

“ Asma’ binti Abu Bakar telah menziarahi Rasulullah s.a.w pada suatu hari dengan pakaian yang nipis. Lantas Rasulullah.s.a.w menasihatinya dengan bersabda yang maksudnya :“ Wahai Asma’, sesungguhnya seseorang gadis yang telah berhaidh (baligh), tidak harus baginya menzahirkan anggota badan, kecuali ini dan ini.” Ketika itu, Rasulullah s.a.w mengisyaratkan kepada muka dan kedua tapak tangan.

Sekarang kita khususkan konsep tabarruj ke dalam penggunaan facebook. Jenguklah sebentar ke laman facebook dan lihatlah bertapa ramai muslimah tanpa segan silu meletakkan gambar-gambar memperlihatkan kecantikan masing-masing dengan pelbagai aksi. Macam-macam gaya ditunjukkan, ada yang menunjukkan peace, ada yang membeliakkan mata, memuncungkan mulut dan sebagainya. Apabila bila ditanya apakah motif memperlihatkan gambar sedemikian rupa? Rata-rata akan menjawab sekadar berkongsi kegembiraan, pengalaman dan sebagainya. Namun tidakkah dapat kita berfikir sejenak, memperlihatkan gambar tersebut boleh mendatangkan pelbagai respon dan persepsi ramai. Terutamanya kepada kaum berlawanan, gambar tersebut dapat mendatangkan keghairahan. Jikalah kaum hawa mengetahui apakah kaum adam berkata sesama sendiri mengenai gambar tersebut, nescaya mereka tidak akan meletak gambar sedemikian rupa lagi!

Islam merupakan agama yang menghendaki kita bersederhana. Janganlah berlebih-lebihan meletak gambar, seolah-olah saling berlawan siapakah memiliki paling banyak gambar. Jika tersangat beringinan untuk menunjukkan wajah diri sebagai pengenalan diri, cukuplah sekadar meletak satu gambar dengan syarat gambar tersebut tanpa aksi-aksi tertentu yang mampu menarik perhatian orang luar. Mudah-mudahan kita mampu melawat sifat ingin menunjuk-nunjuk ini. Nah... mulalah berubah. Anda mampu untuk mengatasi penyakit ini!

The next stop

And then, one day, you found out that there are so many things to say and so many things to write. Voices speaking in your head yet your hands don't know their job. In the end, you are all alone. This time around, this voice said:

"I've gone for a month and two weeks due to things I consider as the most critical turning point of my life. I don't know where this path leads me to. I really don't know. I don't know who I am or what I want. I find myself like who I was. My childhood earliest thoughts were just like you. A dandelion."

The voice sounded like someone you once knew or someone so close. Or perhaps, it's just in your head.

I could really use a wish right now

I make a wish every day

And every single wish is my prayers

The Woman I Love

I never heard what she said. Just what she meant.

"Dear God, please protect her..."

My life at school

“I see my path, but I don’t know where it leads. Not knowing where I’m going is what inspires me to travel it.”

— Rosalia de Castro

Julie and Julia

Last night I spent my time watching a movie “Julie and Julia.” It was an incredibly fantastic movie I’ve ever watched. It was admirable. I was totally inspired by the two married women in the movie, starring Meryl Streep and Amy Adams. They just love cooking. They are Americans who cook wonderfully French cuisine. Julie writes blog too, just like I do. She writes about her sad, boring life of working and also about her passion in finishing 524 French recipes in 365 days! (Can’t believe I have long- term memories). Despite their passion for cooking, they also had such amazing marriage. They both get married to a really, really nice guy.

To make story short and sweet, I learned so many things from them. I am a person who always not finishing things I do. And sometimes, I find myself complicated too… especially when I discover how complex the human mind is. (Sometimes I wonder, why do I have to crack my head and study the human mind?)

Lately I spent my 3 months holiday by having a few cooking activities, a few reading and writing as well as lots of watching movies. So, back to the “Julie and Julia”… I actually intend to upload probably a few of my cooking works together with the recipes in my blog. Cooking makes my mind focused. Rather than I think and worry things too much, cooking would be a better idea for me to spend my free time. When you cook something, you will feel great because you can see it for yourself the artwork you have produced. It’s like an artist who has finished painting. But, this ain’t painting- it’s because you can enjoy eating your artwork.

I find blogging is an amazing thing too. I can cook and write about cooking in blog anytime, just the way I want it. I don’t need a diploma or degree to become a cook… or to be a writer… that’s what I love about blogging. Guess I’ll have to create a few other blogs to separate things like work and personal interests. I plan to create blog for my future students too, soon. Yeah, very soon. (Guess I need a DEADLINE- to get me get to work!)

Well… guess that’s all for now… till then, I hope everyone’s enjoying happy moments!

What should I write for the title.."The Dark Side of Me?"

You may be asking yourself who this is and why am I putting her picture in my page. This is a pink ranger from “Power Rangers” show. However, the purpose of putting this picture has more appropriate reason. She is one of my favorite childhood superheroes. Writing by Taylor K. had me thinking about this. He talked about his superhero, The Undertaker who is also a professional wrestler. When I was a kid, I was really obsessed with pink ranger. There was one time when I called Power Rangers info line. There, I had to answer questions about Power Rangers. Not knowing how long I took to call the number, I tried to answer questions after questions. To make the story short, father had to pay almost a hundred ringgit for the phone bills that month!

I love pink ranger very much. I love her. She seems very soft. I love the colour too. It suits my soul. But I think it doesn’t suit my skin. As I was thinking about superheroes, I started to reflect a little bit. And I asked myself why this was so. What is it about me that drew me to such fantastic superhero? Despite how pink ranger might appear in the show, there are reasons to why I adore her so much.

Well, not only she has moral figure but she has her own way of going about it. She has small figure which seems weak to many, but she is actually very strong. Her strength is shown physically as she battled with evil.

So in answering why I was so drawn to this pink ranger is due to two desires: morality and autonomous. While the former is of good and noble, the latter sounds completely evil. ‘Pink’ seems to me very fragile, delicate and weak. Ironically, the pink ranger I adore is a superhero. Even though she is pink, she brings herself so well that she saves the world. Most importantly, she is the master of her own body.

‘Morality’ and ‘autonomous’ belong to God, indeed. We follow only the righteousness and are our own masters who control ourselves from committing sins. As a Muslim, I’ve had to learn that the two elements are not mine. All my righteous acts that I am so proud of as a young woman, I now consider rubbish. I have to forget all that. God do looks at ones acts but the most important thing is the heart. And the truth is, all the righteousness that my pink ranger did is not really righteousness at all because it was judged by my self- interests. And as a Muslim, I now have to deal with the fact that true morality begins with fear of God and submission to His will. I remember one quotation saying that the true meaning of ‘morality’ is who you are or what you become when you are alone.

Have a g00d time, everyone! =) ~~

To my world

• This week is my last week here in Kota Bharu. I'll leave next Saturday. Guess my feeling lately must be very nostalgic. I don't know how long I will still be alive... a everything here will be a history to me. I don't know when and how I'm gonna die. That's what I'm thinking. I never know. Maybe my life's short. Have I done good enough? Surely, not. (Sighing)

• Recently I've thought about 'psychological defense mechanism.' It's about anxiety which people use to defend by showing their ego. I'm not sure why think about that. And I had this thought too... about 'truth to be told appears not to be true at all...' O yes, there's one more thing I've been thinking... Mr. Zul mentioned this in class... it's about 'those who think that they are a simple person is actually very complicated...' yes, those are my thoughts lately.

Will the time comes..

All praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. And peace and blessings be upon Prophet Muhammad, the truthful in promise and the worthy of all trust.

• Just a humble note before I go on: Life is a gift which we have not earned and which we cannot pay. The way a person ‘sees’ life may be entirely different from each other. How a person views life will influence his or her emotions, attitude and behaviours. Therefore it is important to us to discipline ourselves in the way we perceive every single thing in our lives.

• A simple note to all Muslimah: God have created humankind so that they could get to know each other, respect one another and feel love in a right way. Recently I was introduced to this one blog from a good friend of mine. I found the blog very informative and helpful. To all Muslimah, here I’d like to share a list of criteria (written in Malay) on what it takes to be a good wife. May this shared information become precious guidelines for all wives, insyaAllah.

1) Muslimat, yang beragama Islam, beriman kepada Allah Taala, Rasulnya, KitabNya, MalaikatNya, Hari Akhirat dan qadha' qadar dengan bersungguh-sungguh.

2) Muslimat yang sanggup duduk di rumah bersama suaminya, yang tidur hanyalah beralaskan tikar dan berselimutkan duvet sehelai, berbantalkan lengan. Di rumah tersebut, tiadalah katil dan almari, kerusi dan meja, melainkan keperluan dapur yang mendesak sahaja. Puasa selang sehari, makan hanyalah sekali dalam dua hari. Menu makanan, hanyalah nasi, dan sayur rebus sahaja.

3) Muslimat yang sanggup menuruti suaminya ke luar negara untuk melanjutkan pelajaran, menghadiri kuliah bersama-sama, mempelajari apa yang dipelajari suami dan sedia mengajarkan suami tentang mana-mana bahagian yang tidak difahami oleh suaminya.

4) Muslimat yang selalu tersenyum untuk suaminya, walaupun berada dalam keadaan-keadaan yang seperti di atas, malah sentiasa menceriakan dan tidak sekali-kali mengeluarkan perkataan keluhan sama ada di hadapan suaminya ataupun di belakang pengetahuan suaminya.

5) Muslimat yang sentiasa mendorong dengan sesungguh-sungguh dorongan agar suaminya ini menunaikan solat setiap kali masuk waktu, berdoa dan berzikir selepas solat, menunaikan solat sunat, membaca AlQuran ketika waktu lapang dan sibuk, membangunkan suaminya ketika nyenyak tidur untuk menunaikan qiamullail dan tidak sesekali menunaikan amalan ibadat tanpa mengajak suaminya.

6) Muslimat yang sentiasa mendoakan dengan bersungguh-sungguh, merintih dan menangis, untuk suaminya supaya suaminya tetap dalam jalan menuju Allah Taala yang benar, dan diberikan hidayah kepada si suaminya yang sering terleka dan terlalai.

• Semoga Allah Taala memberkati Muslimat ini, tatkala detik masa menemukan diri dengan Muslimat ini, dengan sepenuh rintihan pengharapan, doa permintaan, agar Muslimat ini dikurniakan suami yang soleh dan muslih di sisi Allah Taala, dan bukanlah diri ini layak untuknya...

Will the time comes...only He Knows.

They say, "She was here."

While I am here, I want to do something that matters.

I want to say something different.

I want to take some risks unafraid.

I wish to meet every difficulty unaffected.

I want to do something that benefit the humankind.

I wish to touch a few heart in this life.

With the time I have been given, I want to do more than just pass this life;

but to contribute to it.

I wish to leave nothing less...

with something that says, "I was here."

Random thoughts

"Three passions... simple but overwhelmingly strong have governed my life: The longing for love, the search for knowledge and the unbearable suffering of mankind"

-Bertrand Russell-

This pansy is a symbol of freethinkers.

O life is so beautiful!

"I love my job. I love my job. I love my job."

Proudly presenting the magical rhythm of Fireflies ...

D A N C E like Fireflies

Just when you thought you had it all, it all falls apart…

I am alone on my own and I’m thinking… “I often criticize myself.” Well I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world. I have no self- worth, haven’t I?

I feel insecure. I feel inferior. “They’re pretty. They’re brilliant. They’re hardworking and talented. Me? What have I got?”

I wish none would have seen me. None would have noticed me. I am a nobody. I am not an expert at any thing. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m just being me. I’m just human in my own way.

“O Allah please take me back to my childhood years. O Allah please take me to home when I used to play with my sis… when bubbles were all around… when there were paper dolls… hide-and-seek… camps… lovely cousins… O please take me…” - A dreamer was I. But hey there… wake up… come back from the imaginary land and smell the fresh skin. This is the real life. At times I wish I’d just fall down on my knees. I don’t ‘see’ myself anywhere in this very dark room I called world. It’s a very big, big world after all. And what I only have is this little corner of my own. I haven’t seen myself smiling lately. No. I’m not sure. Just don’t know who I’m gonna be. Am I someone?

Suddenly I thought of ‘smiling.’ It is contagious. I love smiles. It is just as strong as a weapon. A weapon that connects people. A weapon that soothes the stormy heart. A weapon that comforts and heals heartache. That’s why in Islam it is referred to as a ‘gift’. Smile, and the world will smile with you. No matter how burdensome your life is, nobody knows what you have gone through when you smile. At times feelings are not meant to be shown. They should be kept, and well- preserved. Along the way you may find a way. A way that answers all your questions. A way that tells you why you must have gone through what you’re going through. A way that leads you and guides you. Up till the next path you will ultimately embrace. It is weird that we smile every time we take photos, isn’t it? Why don’t we frown by the way? Why don’t we cry?

We smile most probably because when we look back the past, only blissful moments are printed in our hearts. And perhaps someday… when we tell stories to our grandchildren and show to them our photos, only sweet stories are passed on. Just realized how powerful photos are! That’s why people say that we should live our lives to the fullest. No matter how exhausting life can be, it’s OUR lives.

YA ALLAH, JIKA AKU TELAH JATUH CINTA

YA ALLAH,
JIKA KUTELAH JATUH CINTA
KU INGIN SEMUA TELAH TERBALUT OLEH RIDHA-MU
KU INGIN SEMUA TELAH TERIKAT OLEH HUKUM YANG SYAR’I

YA ALLAH,
JIKA KU JATUH CINTA
IZINKANLAH DENGAN LELAKI YANG DAPAT MENAMBAH CINTAKU PADA-MU
YANG DAPAT MENAMBAH KETA’ATANKU PADA-MU
YANG DAPAT MEMBANTUKU UNTUK MERAIH SYURGA-MU

YA ALLAH,
IZINKAN AKU TUK JATUH CINTA
PADA LELAKI YANG MENCINTAIKU KARENA-MU
LELAKI YANG MENERIMAKU APA ADANYA
LELAKI YANG DAPAT MENYAYANGIKU DAN KELUARGAKU
SEHINGGA AKU MERASAKAN KEBAHAGIAAN BERSAMANYA

YA ALLAH,
ENGKAU YANG MENCIPTAKAN MANUSIA BERPASANG-PASANGAN
ENGKAU YANG MEMBERIKAN RASA KASIH SAYANG DIANTARANYA
JIKA ENGKAU MENGIZINKAN AKU UNTUK JATUH CINTA

YA ALLAH,
MUDAHKANLAH JALANNYA…

Al- Fatihah

كڤد الله برسراه جوهر دارالتعظيم - نڬري ڬاڤورا سلتن

سلطان إسكندر ابن المرحوم سلطان اسماعيل

Beloved and inspiring Sultan of Johor passed away yesterday on Friday, at 7.15 pm. May Allah blessed him. As Johorian, I felt deeply in grief for this big loss.I wish I am back home. At least, I'm there to share the loss with the citizens. Al- Fatihah.

I don't write much about Islam in this blogsphere, don't I?

Is it alright? Coz I sometimes feel so-not-right. Guilty as well.

I love human and nature equally. In this humble escapism, I view life as so beautiful and I want others to feel it. Not only literally but between the lines too. Example is- being grateful to Him for giving us the wonderful world (the sky down to the deep sea).

May Allah always be with us.

Periods of Change

It was a blissfully wonderful day today. I had a gotong-royong with my housemates in the morning. We went for a jog at 5 pm at college. It was enjoyable. I felt refreshed and healthy. I drove my friend's manual car and gladly I did it after so many years. Finally! And right after Maghrib we had a tazkirah as usual.

My life revolves around my housemates during this very final semester. Apart from the practicum session, socializing with them build my confidence. I develop sympathy, tolerance, patience and understanding in living with them. The days were very essential for me to improve myself. Oh how I treasure this experience! Here's a glimpse on our pics when we had a jog. (Some of my housemates were not in the pic; I'll upload them next time).

Camaraderie

Classes were blissfully wonderful today. I had Professional Development, Women in Literature as well as Lit for Children and Adolescent. I had fun in class with all my friends. I felt great when they are around. This semester is our final semester and everybody seems to cherish every moment.

I was without my handphone for thee days. And it felt disastrous. Since I was vexed by the handphone man whom I sent mine to, I faced him today with all my courage. He asked me to wait until Sunday! What on earth?? I asked him to return my handphone and that was it.I didn't say a word to him. I ignored whatever his reasons were for not fixing my phone at the promised date.

I went to another shop. Alhamdulillah, my phone was fixed within a few hours. They also treated me well so it was worth paying them $60. Then my car was summoned for parking.Oh, God. What went wrong? I went to pay it but the counter was closed. Actually there were too many things happening to me lately. Hope things will get better soon.

January 19th, 2010

Today.

There got classes.

Glorious smiles.

School.

And a past relationship.

Then I cook.

I'm fatigued.

Yet satisfied.

And then I ran.

And fell.

And slept.

Goodnight, world.

Have a brighter day tomorrow.

And a lighter heart.

Apologies; in advance ~

I am the girl with chronic pain,
I am the girl who moans and sighs,
I am the girl, who sits alone.
And cries.