Just when you thought you had it all, it all falls apart…

I am alone on my own and I’m thinking… “I often criticize myself.” Well I’m just a girl, trying to find a place in this world. I have no self- worth, haven’t I?

I feel insecure. I feel inferior. “They’re pretty. They’re brilliant. They’re hardworking and talented. Me? What have I got?”

I wish none would have seen me. None would have noticed me. I am a nobody. I am not an expert at any thing. I’m ashamed of myself. I’m just being me. I’m just human in my own way.

“O Allah please take me back to my childhood years. O Allah please take me to home when I used to play with my sis… when bubbles were all around… when there were paper dolls… hide-and-seek… camps… lovely cousins… O please take me…” - A dreamer was I. But hey there… wake up… come back from the imaginary land and smell the fresh skin. This is the real life. At times I wish I’d just fall down on my knees. I don’t ‘see’ myself anywhere in this very dark room I called world. It’s a very big, big world after all. And what I only have is this little corner of my own. I haven’t seen myself smiling lately. No. I’m not sure. Just don’t know who I’m gonna be. Am I someone?

Suddenly I thought of ‘smiling.’ It is contagious. I love smiles. It is just as strong as a weapon. A weapon that connects people. A weapon that soothes the stormy heart. A weapon that comforts and heals heartache. That’s why in Islam it is referred to as a ‘gift’. Smile, and the world will smile with you. No matter how burdensome your life is, nobody knows what you have gone through when you smile. At times feelings are not meant to be shown. They should be kept, and well- preserved. Along the way you may find a way. A way that answers all your questions. A way that tells you why you must have gone through what you’re going through. A way that leads you and guides you. Up till the next path you will ultimately embrace. It is weird that we smile every time we take photos, isn’t it? Why don’t we frown by the way? Why don’t we cry?

We smile most probably because when we look back the past, only blissful moments are printed in our hearts. And perhaps someday… when we tell stories to our grandchildren and show to them our photos, only sweet stories are passed on. Just realized how powerful photos are! That’s why people say that we should live our lives to the fullest. No matter how exhausting life can be, it’s OUR lives.