TESLians Eid Gathering ~

After school, all the TESL communities gathered for Eid celebration. Here are some photos of my colleagues I'd like to share... it's a bright and wonderful day after all...

The Journey Begins ~

I gained strength to carry on teaching today (today's the first day of teaching after enjoying a fanciful Eid school break). My colleagues and I will organize an English camp soon and we had finalized our discussion during our brief meeting today (so unexpected!) I had two relief classes today and it happened that I became relief teacher for the very two classes I teach. I told them stories and I was very animated when I did that. They had a lot of fun and meaningful lesson today through the stories I shared with them. Wishing everyone will experience a wonderful day too, for always...

Hello world, I hope you're listening. Have you ever feel that you are not who you are. Have you ever feel that you are not becoming who you really are? And sometimes you get the wrong impression from other people in which you are not expecting it at all? All this while, I've been missing something. That is, the better half of me. I felt that I need to change many things in myself. At times I feel not right with myself. It' s not the real 'me' who I am becoming. How would you feel if you know that what you do is just not YOU? I often feel this way... that you are in the wrong place... you realize that there's a better half of you and you dreadfully struggle to obtain that...and therefore you fight between the vanities in you.

This fight is not easy... everything we need to be sure of is who we want to be and what are the things we should ultimately have to achieve what we are looking for. Often times our surrounding shape our personal qualities. That's how most people change. However I don't want to be lost in my own world. My teaching world. Friendship world. My world. This fight (which I'd prefer to call 'war') is what frequently happening to me. All the time. Well, most times. Oh, my. It makes me terribly sick.

I'm just a thousand winds that blow...and I'm not sure how far I shine if I become a star...guess I'm not surprised to learn that I'm not shining at all (but I feel grateful that at least I am a star after all)... and this wind, or star, or whatever it is (whom I refer to as myself)- I want to make sure, will become an excellent one.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, what am I?And if not now, when?"

-Rabbi Hallel Quote-

The bride and I ~

Finally I arrived to KB this morning. I was the first to return to this rented house (which I'd prefer to call 'English mansion'). Lucky that I had a good night sleep in the bus because I need the strength to carry on settling all chores back here. I did some wash (clothes, bedsheets, and my dusty car too) as well as some cleaning. When I first arrived today, I was shocked to see a male goat at outside my house. The place was so dirty and smelly. I'll wait and see whether the owner will clean the place up or not.

I went to Miss Rosmanja's wedding right after zohor (sorry, no more 'Miss'- Mdm Rosmanja) alone. The route to her house was a bit confusing but I managed to find it with her help. This was my first time going to a Kelantanese wedding so I was excited to experience what's coming. The vast difference I found is that the bride is the one who is very busy doing the chores. At my place, the bride is the most relaxed person during the wedding. All she does is sit in the bride's room and wait for the bridegroom to come. People will only meet the bride if they go to the bride's room. And then they do not use 'kompang.' They used recorded songs. Meanwhile guests do not sit facing the bride and the bridegroom while they sit on the 'pelamin.' Oh yes. One embarassing incident I faced today during the wedding was, I went to take food from the men's area. How foolish I was! There were no table provided for guests (tables are for the bridegroom's family only) so I ate uncomfortably. Three of my students are there; they were very helpful and hospitable. If not because of them, I would have forgotten about coming to this wedding.

Kak Ros was very gorgeous. I took quite a number of pictures of her. I adored the bouquet of golden roses she hold (can't wait to have my own). I wish her a blessful family life and may all the happiness be with her. I could see from far, that her eyes were shining brightly.

I couldn't cook tonight because I do not know how to place the gas cover back to usual. Therefore tomorrow I plan to go to Marrybrown or Pizza Hut or Sim Garden for lunch. Or maybe I'll just buy instant pizza and place it the rice cooker. Well, maybe. Not sure what's coming. Everybody will be back by tomorrow and this mansion will be filled with stories and laughters again.

Before I forget, I want to mention once again that I admire Sunflares Plethora's blog, writing and everything about her. Just drop by her page to prove this. Now she's in my priority list already. She may not know me but that's not what counts. It's something else- the bond.

It's far away from home ~

Yes it's far away from home... but hey I am not alone... I brought these four friends of mine with me. I place them at the white window next to my bed...it feels like home and they really cheer up my life. You see, I am a fan of so many things e.g. fashion, cooking, art etc. but I am in no chance to do that or write anything about it. Sunflares Plethora for instance, is a very lovely person. Looking at her life she's going through, I admire her so much. :Looking at Ustaz Asri Ibrahims' for instance, I see myself a very small human being in this whole lot world. He makes me repent, and be very careful at any doings.

You know, this world offers so many exciting things to us. There are so many things we want to explore. But in this world too, there ARE limits to what we are doing. Sometimes I try to pretend that I have another kind of life which is very outstanding... just like the life everybody else wanted. Sometimes I fear that people will say that I'm not good enough. Sometimes I have a feeling that I am afraid of life I own. But it's too late. I gotta get through this no matter what it takes. The biggest effort I put is to pray. In school, I have to mingle with people of all ages... civil workers, clerks, senior teachers, students and colleagues. I thank God because they are very comforting and cordial. Friends are all very lovely and fun. Overall my life is okay but I am in a very busy situation. I have no life. I used to have. This is what this semester is all about. Hope this is going to be over soon. Very soon.

Pergi dan Kembali..

I have never wrote in Malay but today I felt like doing so therefore I wrote the title and they lyrics of a touching and inspiring song in Malay. It has been a while I have not write anything since I was busy with school, fasting and devising lesson plans for my teaching. Of course it was a tough week ever since I arrived back here in Kelantan but thinking about the upcoming Aidilfitri holiday, I felt stronger. I'm not losing this fight. InsyaAllah.

Here I want to share a lyric of a song entitled 'Insaf' or 'Repentance' from Rabbani. This song somehow gives me the strength to go through my current life.

Munajatku padaMu Tuhan
Ampuni dosa ku masa silam
sempurnakanlah hidup kami
Murahkan rezeki dengan nikmatMu
Jadikan ku hamba bertakwa
Tiang iman untuk agama

Munajatku pada Mu Tuhan
Ampuni dosa sekalian insan
Sempurnakanlah hidup kami
Murahkan rezeki dengan nikmatMu
Jadikan ku hamba bertakwa
Tiang iman untuk agama

Laillahillah..
Jauhkanku dari seksaan api neraka yang panas
Membuatkan manusia ingkar di dunia
Muhammadurrasullullah..
Terimalahku jadi umatmu
Ku pohon syafaat darimu
Beratkan neraca pahalaku nanti

Aku aniaya diri sendiri selamanya
Ku tak tertanggung duka dan dosa silamku


Laillahaillallah
Jauhkan aku dari seksaan api neraka yang panas
Muhammadurrasullullah..
Terimalahku jadi umatmu

Aku aniaya diri sendiri selamanya
Ku tak tertanggung
Duka dan dosa silamku..

Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah...

p/s: I will try to write more often after this.