HIJRAH as a period of change.

Sejenak membaca blog sendiri membawa saya beralih pandangan kepada tujuan sebenar blog ini diwujudkan. Banyak sekali kesilapan yang dilakukan dalam penulisan saya tanpa saya sedari yang mungkin hanya menunjukkan kekurangan dan kelemahan diri ini. Namun saya hanya mampu berharap semoga setiap entry dalam blog ini adalah suatu permulaan yang baru buat diri saya sendiri dan juga secara tidak langsung memberi manfaat kepada pembacanya. InsyaAllah.

Memetik kata seorang teman... jika sedar diri ini hamba, maka tiada suatu pun yang boleh dibanggakan kerana tiap sesuatu itu berlaku atas izin- Nya...

"Dan terhadap nikmat Tuhanmu, hendaklah engkau nyatakan dengan bersyukur." (ad-Duha-11)

Dari itu, kepada semua yang mengenali diri ini saya dengan penuh rasa rendah diri memohon kemaafan di atas segala salah silap saya sama ada melalui tutur kata, penulisan saya mahupun tingkah laku... dari itu juga, saya berhajat membuka lembaran baru bagi blog ini. Saya telah delete kan beberapa entry saya sebelum ini yang saya rasakan kurang sesuai. Percubaan menulis blog ini dalam bahasa Melayu juga merupakan percubaan pertama saya yang tidak pernah saya lakukan sebelum ini (walaupun sebenarnya saya berasa amat kekok dan sangat tidak yakin dengan penulisan dalam bahasa Melayu) namun penggunaan bahasa ibunda ini tidak dinafikan terasa lebih 'dekat' sekali sentuhannya. Akan tetapi tidak salah rasanya jika penulisan di dalam blog ini adalah dalam dwibahasa kerana jika pembaca mengenali background penulis pasti pembaca akan lebih memahami.

In conjunction with Awal Muharam baru- baru ini, saya berpendapat bahawa bukan sahaja manusia harus berubah malah blog juga perlu berhijrah. Ini kerana apabila saya menyingkap semula posts saya sebelum ni saya dapati betapa banyaknya kekurangan saya. Apapun jua kesilapan semalam, saya berbalik kepada nawaitu hati. Alhamdulillah Tuhan telah menggerakkan hati saya untuk berhijrah ke arah yang lebih baik dan diharapkan agar hijrah kali ini dapat membawa saya dan pembaca semua agar lebih dekat pada Allah. Amin.

Memetik hadith daripada Amirul Mukminin Abu Hafsin 'Umar ibn al-Katthab r.a. beliau berkata: Aku mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda:

"Bahawa sesungguhnya setiap amalan itu bergantung kepada niat, dan bahawa sesungguhnya bagi setiap orang apa yang dia niatkan. Barangsiapa yang hijrahnya menuju kepada Allah dan RasulNya, maka hijrahnya kepada Allah dan RasulNya. Barangsiapa yang hijrahnya kerana dunia yang dia mahu mencari habuannya, atau kerana seorang perempuan yang dia mahu kahwininya, maka hijrahnya ke arah perkara yang ditujuinya itu."

Semoga penghijrahan kita semua kali ini adalah merupakan hijrah menuju Allah dan Rasul... menjadikan kita insan yang lebih tabah, tulus dan ikhlas. InsyaAllah.

Emotional rebellion

Much of our lives is spent trying to fit in... making others happy... and pleasing the people around us so that they accept and love us. Most of the time we are afraid of being rejected... saying or doing something wrong or other people walking around us with some degree of fear... at times like this we may feel tired of being a person whom others want us to be... and to some degree we may end up being disappointed.

Most people don't understand that one of the most powerful thing that can make them strong is knowledge. A helpless person for example, do not know what to do when they face certain situations. The more you know about life, the more skills you have in dealing with life problems. Therefore the only way to overcome the dross is to go through it without fear.

Hold on. To everything. It is all that you need.

This version is to teach you how to- Live. Laugh. Love.

The kind of weather is so great today. School has been reopened yesterday. Welcome back to school, everyone! Hope it is a new, wonderful teaching and working experience for all.

O well. Today is Tuesday. Yesterday I skipped my dinner. I was overly tired so after I went back from work, I ate a burger, took a bath and found myself on bed, sleeping. Thought I was going to wake up at midnight and had my supper- because I don't dare to skip my meal due to gastritis but the sleep lasted until 6 am in the morning.

I found myself having dizziness and numbness in the leg. This has happened for months. I have very strong will- therefore I took these 'little' illnesses for granted. Since yesterday was the first day of schooling, I thought that it was me who was so lazy to get back to work. And that's why all the pain started to emerge. But I was wrong. I went out to clinic for a medical check up early this morning. Then I was diagnosed with very high --------- . I was blurred. Not knowing why it happens. Not knowing the symptoms and increasing risks I indulged in. The utmost is coronary heart disease and stroke. O. What a great risk it has there. The medication cost me RM113. (That number kills me. H0h0.) Not knowing what to say, I drove all the way worrying about what to do even after the doctor had explained well. I have to go see the doctor to do monthly blood test. Taking medication is the solution. And that's what I started to do.

When too many bad things occur to you one after another resulting in you being pushed to the lowest ebb spiritually then you self- esteem suffers. With such high level of LDL at a very young age, I feel so down. Feel like I don't have no more will. Feel like it is the end of life. But sure if you see me you won't see it on my face. Because everything is in the inside . Nobody knows anything. Not if I tell them. Reading my writing helps people to know me well. Sure enough? Nah. Nobody cares. Don't tell me that people trying to understand you is not the sweetest thing in life.

O, well. Guess what. Instead of asking yourself, "Why do bad things always happen to me?" we should look at the bright side of things. Always cross the street to walk on the sunny side. So you see. I want to arrive at a place where good things happen more to me than the bad things. I can happily welcome bad things that occasionally happen to me. I can work over them. Those experiences of ups and downs help me grow and become mature.

I've never dreamed of living for too long until 80s or 90s. Most people died at age 60s to 70s. But being diagnosed to a sickness which is normally occurred to women at the age of 50 and above is really something to me. It affects me much to the attention where I started to think of dying at an earlier age than I expected. That is something to me. It does. I'm not-so- glad.

The Buddhist would refer these things as self- enlightenment. Superstition would asks you to throw salt on your shoulder and avoid wearing red. The Muslims suggests 'La Tahzan' and 'Hasbi Allahu wa ni'mal wakil...' Whatever it is, religion is unarguably the best way to channel your everything- hardships, happiness etc. There, you'll find indescribable inner peace. What matters is how you do it. Through the right way (example- prayers, sharing with people who a re close to you) or the bad (crying over what happen, blaming fate) - it is all up to you. Surely, religion is my way.

Writing my thoughts like this- in a blog, diary or any other helps a lot too. Putting thoughts into words is my way of working over these things. Writing clarifies my thoughts. It helps me make a bullet list of steps to take a practical solution. Above all, and like I mentioned earlier, the best solution can only be found in your inner depths - that can only be found in Him.

Well then. It's getting late. Let's celebrate life and the eternity. Make sure that everything goes well so that the end is well. And let's erase the bad stuff and replace the dross with PEACE and HAPPINESS. InsyaAllah. Happy Celebrating Life, everyone!

Teacher grading papers

It is now the exam week. Teachers in school are busy marking exam papers. We have to key in students’ marks 2 weeks after the last day of exam. I started marking MCQs for Form 2 yesterday. It was difficult for me to describe the feeling. Most of them got less than 20 marks over 40. It was disastrous, indeed. The students’ comprehension level is very week. They need to do a lot of practice for objective questions. Most importantly, they have to use dictionary. Otherwise, they will not understand the terms stated in the question.

My Form 2 students are good students. I know that they tried their best even though not 100%. From what I have seen, they obey my instructions. I also teach Form 1 students. When I first teach Form 1 students, I take them as a measurement for me to evaluate my teaching performance. So far I can see that they understand and obey my advice. Alhamdulillah. But I need to get them to do a lot of practices. This is because, my school students are very dependent on their teachers. Most of them do not do revision at home. Therefore the teachers there have to be very dedicated if they want their students to be highly performed in academic.

As I marked students’ papers, I write down some of their common mistakes so that when I enter their classes, I can mention to them and make sure they have some rooms for improvement. Being a new teacher, especially in my first year is not simple. I need to write down so many things just to utter the right thing when I meet my students in class. The hardest is not to teach, but INCULCATE. When I talk to the students, my points have to be clear and precise. Since I am a language teacher, I am very particular with language. Most probably not all language teachers are like me. But I do. I am very sensitive with words. Every day I make sure I do not talk idly. I make sure I talk less. I make sure the right choice of words is used. Well, telling all these things here does not make me a good person. Nor my writing reflects the real me.

Overall, I find that it is enjoyable to be a teacher. But it is not as easy as ABC in years like this. Time changes. People change. Surroundings also change. New problems rise. New methods are born. Well. The truth is, any profession is pleasant. What matters most is how a person’s career shapes him or her. We only have two options in life. Good and bad. So when we do something, we ask ourselves, “Why are we doing this? Is it good for now and the Hereafter? Or is it bad?” Do we do it because we want to be acknowledged by others? It is as simple as that.

Well then. I think that’s all for now. I’ll write more when I feel like doing so. Happy holiday, everyone!

What makes you YOU.

I read so many writings about nature lovers, dreamy thoughts and other inspirations. I also listened to many talks related to empowering minds and souls. When I look back at the hardest trials in my life, it is very interesting why at that time it all had to happen. But I can see the beauty in the trials. And when I look back, I can see the "why" as well.

Do you ever find yourself landed on a blog that makes you cry or watch real stories that teach you unforgettable life lessons? Have you ever listened to your friends' or other people's hardships and difficulties that you feel like crying like a baby? I find that life is beautiful and the fact that people are amazing shine through every trial. To see family and friends pull together, praying

In the past few months or so I happened to experience a bit of social life. But that does not mean I haven't LIVED. Some think that that is LIVING. I miss a few things in my life. I miss my schooling years. Back then it was different. It was about "The Zephyr Song,' 'Meteor Garden,' 'Sheila On 7' and many more. Still, I am very happy and grateful with my life now. It was because of those memorable years that I accomplished everything that matters today.

I learned that there are many important things in life. Life is not about who you are but it's about who you'll become.

Lines, Vines and Trying Times.

It has been awhile now. The days passed were very tough, interrupted yet exciting. I cannot wait where these things will lead me to.

My Graduation Day was very fine, blissful and heartfelt. It was because I celebrated that very remarkable day with my loved ones. I could feel ‘peace’ in me. My heart smiled. But there was another incident so unforgettable. Dad had an accident right after my family and I returned from the Graduation Day. I spent the holidays going to and from hospital to take care of my father. I couldn’t imagine losing him. But I am a tough daddy’s girl. I was strong. I made jokes. I laughed. Even though my father was on a wheelchair. I became the 'dad' of the house. I took over everything. That four months were difficult.

Me and mom waited outside the operation room for four hours. I guess that was why it is called ‘The Waiting Room.’ For some people, it is a matter of life and death. Thank God everything was just fine. I never thought to have such experience. This thing makes me become well- prepared for the harder stage of life.

Four months had passed. So many things had I gone through. Dad had to go to a few physiotherapy lesson. O Allah is Great. Dad can now walk without walking sticks. Just can’t imagine both of them were spending for a holiday overseas. They phoned me today. Their voices were so pleasant that I could not know what more to say. Alhamdulillah.

Well, then. Farewell February- Welcome March!

(P/S: I’d rather hold the smile and pretend everything never happen)

Beauty Tips for My Sisters in Islam